my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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