do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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