I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
