I am in a vortex of obligation.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
