i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
