I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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