I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
