Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
