I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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