That's when you crack a 10am beer
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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