Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
