I hate all girls vehemently.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
