Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
