dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
