nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Is it because I queefed?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
