he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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