Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
