girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
