I'm lost and stupid without you.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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