I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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