How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
