Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
