We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
