why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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