Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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