what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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