If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
