I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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