in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
