new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
