I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
