i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
