no, he came in my armpit
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize