Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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