Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I want to have your abortion
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize