my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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