Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
