could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
