I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
