Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
