I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
