At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
