Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
