Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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