How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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