I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
you had me at cake vodka
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
