Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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