I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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