I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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