I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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