I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
