I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
