just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Need sex. Gaining weight.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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