I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
