If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize