I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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