He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
