I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
