Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
