I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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