only you would photoshop your dick
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
