Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
