i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
