She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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