were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
