Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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