people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
