So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
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