So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
