weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
