dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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