is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
