ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just puked most of my soul out..
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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