i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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