She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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