party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
