i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
