GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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