he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
