nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
